Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i've created a new STD.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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