it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I need to stop coming to work sober
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
