we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
