last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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