it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
