My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
