Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
