i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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