I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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