Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
