he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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