ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
