everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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