Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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