Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
