On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
