we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
