I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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