My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
