I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Welp...herpes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
