i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
