I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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