woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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