Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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