mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
