I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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