yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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