Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
