Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
