If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
