K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
