dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
