Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
