nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
