I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
