when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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