and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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