Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
