end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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