I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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