You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
