Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just puked most of my soul out..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
