She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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