I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
