Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
