I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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