Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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