So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
