That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
