The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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