I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
