I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
