on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
