i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
worst night to have a conscience
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
