the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
