..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
