I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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