On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
