Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
