She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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