Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
