He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
