Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
