if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
