haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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